guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
