he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I came so hard my ears popped.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
