Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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