After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
