Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Randomize
