I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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