there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
