I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
