My Higher Power is John Stamos
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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