so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
