your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
