I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
