I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
