quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
