we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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