Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize