New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
