if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
