Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
He felt like a one man threesome
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
