The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
