i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
