It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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