i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
