We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
