The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
