when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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