So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
