When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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