So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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