garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
it wasn't lemon gatorade
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Randomize
