Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize