she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
