Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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