Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
smell my finger.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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