I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
