she woke up with a sticky ear
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
