I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
