That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
