Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
