just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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