his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
