There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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