I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
