i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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