Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
