Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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