I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Randomize
