We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Just high enough for therapy.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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