Tell her she can't have a vagina
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize