So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
