About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
