So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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