i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
