My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
