There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
