For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
