we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Alive.
So much puke
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
