Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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