she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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