Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
