I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize