i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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