Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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