we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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