I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Sorry about my life...
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
