she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize