May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
