i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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