His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
