I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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