I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
