The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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