They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
