Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I wish you could order shots online.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
