just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Randomize
