I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
