he was CRYING into my vagina
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
You can't just leave with hair like that
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
