I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize