Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
