dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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