after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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