Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize