There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
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