whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
