But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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