I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
