I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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