college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize