Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
