even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
