I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize