The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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