this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
