You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
